Desi Hitch

Foreword

Assalam O Alaikum,
After living in the United States for fifteen years, I have realized that, one of the areas where Muslims are having the most amount of difficulty is finding their right marriage partner. Whether it's the parents of the boy or girl who are seeking the significant others or it's the boy or girl themselves who are striving to find someone...
Either way, they always are hitting the block, where after searching and searching, they end up sitting at home wondering... Is there a better way?

Those from abroad, who still have their families living in Pakistan, India, Egypt, or Middle East, often end up traveling back home to get married. But these days the period to wait for the sponsorship and the saga to get the person to US is yet another dilemma.
Everywhere I looked, at the local community, the Jumma prayers, the friends circle, the families circle, State wide, Nationwide whether it was in the US or the UK, I saw the same situation of unease and the lack of comfort.

That has prompted me to take up the task to aid in what Allah swt has asked Muslims to do. To be married. May Allah help us all find our companions in life. Amen.

Amer Raza

Why is it tough for Muslim youth to get married these days?
I'm not sure about you, but it's become a common site these days at least in the metro areas, seeing a Muslim girl or a guy getting married to either American Non-Muslims, Hindus, even Sikhs. Don't believe me, pick up some matrimonial magazine that are published by non-Muslims and you'll see. Our Muslim media deliberately avoids and covers up such reality.

Why is it the reason why our Muslim youth is having such a tough time finding their mates who are Muslims? Why are some ending up getting married to non-Muslims?
Quite simple. However, some or should I say most of us, would tend to simply look the other way and not face reality believing this. Nevertheless, here it is.

Simply put, double standards! The problem lies in the fact that our Muslims community tends to keep a very tough watch when it comes to our youth, making sure they don't mingle amongst each other. Look around the parties and get to-gethers. The males and females are split in the parties. While outside the house, at work, at the mall they are all simply hanging out together. They go to the same schools at times even. They know eachother and mingle on a constant basis, even parents know that. But when it comes to family gatherings and such, we as parents tend to look the other way and deny the fact that our youth are living in the US or UK. They have friends of the other gender who they are mingling with just as the Americans or British are.

The problem lies in the fact that we're trying to keep our traditions that work well in our Muslim countries in the western countries that we live in. It is said, do in Rome as Romans do. Well, we don't have to take it to that extreme. But we also cannot keep it on the other extreme either. We're trying to ride camels on highways, while everyone else is driving cars on them! In other words, we're magically and hopefully expecting that our youth will grow up and act as Muslim youth living in Muslim countries, while they are growing up in the west.

This is simply not possible. I repeat, get that through, this is simply not possible. Wrong expectations is what this is called. We and parents both have to realize that if we want to succeed as a Muslim Ummah living in the west, then we have to adapt the good out of the bad in the western society, as such, and use that to our benefit. What then should we do you might ask ?

What is the solution?

We should let our youth mingle among themselves. What happens conversely, is that our youth is bound to mingle with the other gender. Throughout high school and college, that is inevitable. Since our parents are so strict when it comes to mingling with the other gender in front of them and within the same community, we as youth tend to keep that distance. Yet at the same time, the youth are still mingling with other communities, namely the American, Hindu, and Sikh communities. Four years of high school, five to six years of college. All that time is enough for someone to fall in love with someone after constant mingling and hanging out even if the other is not Muslim. When that happens, the boy or girl is then too emotionally involved with that person. During this time, parents are totally unaware of this, thinking that since they made sure their kids did not mingle with the other gender in front of them in their community, they're still single and sober. That's just high hopes in this case! Sooner or later, when the topic of marriage is brought up by their parents, the kids at that time rebel. Reason being, the kids already have spent enough time with the significant other who they've made up their mind to spend the rest of their life with, whether the other is Muslim or not.

Parents, even after finding out the bitter truth, tend to force the kids to get out of that relationship. Some try to force arranged marriages, only to result in broken marriages and homes later on. Some parents disown their kids once they realize their kids are about to marry the non-Muslim regardless of their approval. No matter what happens, the results are not pretty.

So then, what should we start doing right away?

First, we should start letting our Muslim youth mingle amongst each other. At the same time we should coach them on what appropriate behavior is while interacting with the opposite gender. We should also get ourselves acquainted with Deen of Islam. Allah swt says in the Quran that when your kids become that of marriageable age, then marry them. Do not worry about their financial situation after marriage, for Allah will take care of their financial well being.

Why then are the parents still waiting for the guys to be in their 30's so that they're financially independent, and why are we waiting for girls in their mid twenties so that they're of appropriate age for the guys who are in their 30's? We're going against the natural order of the Universe, the world and our young that Allah swt has created for us. Please read more about this in Quran and Hadith in the link provided below for Islamic library online.

You might or might not agree as parents or the person who is searching for a mate with what I've said above. But realize this, if you're on this site today reading and wondering why you or your son or daughter are still single, then there must be something you're either not doing or not doing correctly. Whatever ways you have been working so far in order to search has obviously not brought the results you seek.

Albert Einstein once said, "The sure sign of insanity is to keep repeating the same things and expecting different results".

The key is to do things differently than what you have done in the past. What can you do differently then you might ask? Call me !

It is said that, the only difference in you today and a year from today is going to be based upon the people that you meet and the books that you read!

You've read this already, now it's time to meet new people!

How This System Works

This site is absolutely not going to be neither plan on being an online dating service. For that reason alone, I have decided not to post any pictures or contact information for guys or girls. This will strictly be a one on one match making process where I will talk to you personally, find out what your requirement is of the life partner.

If parents wish to call me directly, you are also welcome to. In that case I urge the parents to first sit down with the child to let him/her know what you are about to do. There are way too many cases where the parents are seeking a spouse for their children, while the children are either involved with someone else, or the children simply don't want to go the arranged marriage route.

I don't sugar coat things. I present them and say them the way they are today! That is the ingredient that is missing from our society specifically when it comes to match making. This is what makes me successful Alhamdulillah.

If you are the person who are looking for a spouse yourself, before you call me there are certain things I want you to do.

1. Make a list of things you are looking for in your spouse
2. Name the top most important thing that you seek from the list you created. when you call me I shall ask you about this before we go any further.
3. Be honest to yourself and take the time to know yourself. You can't look for a match unless you yourself know who you are!

Now pick up the phone and call me.
Or if you prefer the email route, email me with an introduction to yourself, who you are, what you do, and include the most recent picture of yours along with a one page resume outlining your career and personal achievements. Spend more time talking about yourself. Refrain from asking me all sorts of personal questions. Remember, this is about You! not me.

About the Author

Amer Raza lives in New Jersey. He has been living in the US since he came from Pakistan after finishing his High School degree. He went to University in the States and after finishing his education in both Islamic Studies and IT Management, now works in IT industry and serves the Muslim Ummah with the knowledge Allah swt has given him

I urge you to visit the online Islamic library link below to increase your knowledge of Islam and how Muslim marriages are meant to be.

Online Islamic Library

---

You can Email me desihitch@hotmail.com

I will provide the telephone number to serious inquiries.